SOTU of the Terrible President: What he says and what he means
Here are the highlights of the Terrible President's State of the Union address this evening:
What he said: "America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world...So tonight I announce the Advanced Energy Initiative -- a 22 percent increase in clean-energy research at the Department of Energy to push for breakthroughs in two vital areas. To change how we power our homes and offices, we will invest more in zero-emission coal-fired plants; revolutionary solar and wind technologies; and clean, safe nuclear energy."
What he means: Yes, and me and my oil baron and oil soaked friends will continue to maintain the primacy of oil, come hell or hellish climate changes. And if I can help agribusiness make money on corn based ethanol, that's okay, too. And notice how I say I am for solar and wind power research and development--but I placed that in the same sentence with my real goal: the re-vitalization of nuk-u-lar energy, for my special friends in the energy industry. Sorry my friend Kenny Boy Lay is gonna miss this bonanza!
What he said: "There is no peace in retreat...Hindsight alone is not wisdom. And second-guessing is not a strategy." What he means: Lying, blaming others, and continuing to lie is an effective policy for me, as long as the media stays compliant.
What he said: "Terrorists like bin Laden are serious about mass murder and all of us must take their declared intentions seriously." What he means: That's why I made more of them in Iraq, wasn't really concerned about bin Laden in the past, and figure that if I speak with a serious tone and sound tough, the Beltway pundits will salivate like the Pavlovian dogs they are.
What he said: "We love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it." What he means: Dick Cheney and I, and our wealthy friends from Exxon to Saudi Arabia to Uzbekistan, love our money and power--and we will wiretap without warrants, torture, and drop less than smart bombs in cities where darker skinned people live in order to keep it.
What he said: "(T)here is a difference between responsible criticism that aims for success and defeatism that refuses to acknowledge anything but failure." What he means: And if I keep living in my bubble and ignoring what Rummy's destruction of America's military, and we pressure the broadcast media like we do with retribution ("You'll never get a controlled leak again!"), I will continue to convince enough voters out there to believe my bullshit.
What he said: "In recent years, you and I have taken unprecedented action to fight AIDS and malaria, expand the education of girls, and reward developing nations that are moving forward with economic and political reform." What he means: This is where I make it sound like I meant what I said, but I didn't put nearly as much money behind this stuff as I promised.
What he said: "In the last five years, the tax relief you passed has left $880 billion in the hands of American workers, investors, small businesses and families. And they have used it to help produce more than four years of uninterrupted economic growth." What he means: Who really cares that my tax cuts didn't spur anything but a greater series of deficits. And most of that money went to investors and rich friends of mine. And it's been uninterrupted economic growth for my friends, stagnation for the rest of you--ha ha, suckers! Hey, quick! There's a homosexual over there! And whoa, wouldya lookie here? Is that some "liberal" attacking Christmas? Better get on it!
What he said: "This year my budget will cut it again and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities." What he means: Yup, screw over middle class families that need college loans, so we can increase "voluntary military recruitment." And cut food stamp programs. Isn't that what Jesus stands for? Tax cuts for the rich and spending cuts that harm the poor and middle class? No? Well, you must be heathen, then. My Jesus tells me I'm doin' great!
What he said: "Congress did not act last year on my proposal to save Social Security...
... yet the rising cost of entitlements is a problem that is not going away."
What he means: You bastards applauded my failure to kill Social Security? Well, like a vampire, I'm gonna keep coming back at you all! Bwaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
What he said: "We will strengthen health savings accounts, making sure individuals and small-business employees can buy insurance with the same advantages that people working for big businesses now get. And because lawsuits are driving many good doctors out of practice -- leaving women in nearly 1,500 American counties without a single OB/GYN -- I ask the Congress to pass medical liability reform this year." What he means: Sure, these health savings accounts (HSA's) need $3,000 or more in deductibles to be put aside for a family every year, something most of you can't do, but hey, just get a better paying job! Plus, I like dividing people--and dividing people among the healthy and sick is just devine to me...And despite the fact that there is more evidence that lawsuits have nothing to do with "driving many good doctors out of practice", I want to ensure that our doctors can't get sued when they main and kill patients--unless you're a certain senator friend of mine.
What he means overall: Remember, America. Slavery is freedom. War is peace. I'm a divider, not a healer. I play to your fears, not our nation's strength. And what's good for my cronies is good for the country. Amen.